Adaptability vs. Identity
I do not like change. To those of you who know me well, this is not a surprise. Throughout all aspects of my life, I thrive on routine, planning ahead and following through on it, and knowing what is coming up. I love stability, and yet at many points in my life I have seen change as positive and a catalyst for growth in my life. Still, it is not something I find easy or enjoyable, and periods of change are often the times when I see the most anxiety and depression in my life. However, the Lord has worked in some surprising ways and taught me many things in the past months, both in my quiet time with Him, my times of worship, and even in my classes at school. To sum up what I have learned in a single verse, 2 Corinthians 12:9 explains everything perfectly. It says, "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."
There are many reasons why this verse has been applicable to my first few months of OT school. First of all, I learned very quickly that "adaptability" is one of the token words that occupational therapists use. Not only will I be required to adapt my practices as new research comes along, but my goal as an OT will also be to help my clients adapt to whatever situation they may face. This came as a bit of a surprise to me, because I had not thought about what a challenge being adaptable would be to me, someone who does not like when changes happen in the first place. This is when the Lord really began to work in my life. He has been changing not only how I view change in my life, but also how I view Him through those circumstances. Over the past few months in my life, the most consistent thing has been change. I have seen some amazing things happen, some really awful things, and many that challenged me to my core. I have dealt with moving away from friends, relationships changing or ending, having to move back home and adjust to a new normal, and I have faced illness constantly for several months. But despite these things, I have also seen that the Lord's plan for me is shaping up in ways that I could not have imagined. There have been many ups and downs and it is hard to explain when people ask how I am. In truth, it all depends on the day. While school is wonderful and one of the happiest times I have had in a long time, there are other stressers in life that often weigh on me more than I would like. However, I was recently at a night of worship, and I heard a song, not for the first time, but in a new light. This song, called "Hills and Valleys" really put into perspective the way I have been feeling, and made sense of why there has been such a conflict in my life. This song says, "When I'm standing on the mountain I didn't get there on my own/ When I'm walking through the valley I know I am not alone." My focus has so much been on how I need to react toward my situation, whether good or bad, that I lost sight of the One who put me in every situation I have been in. Truth is, He knows that I struggle with change, but He is also the one who will carry me through and who is behind all my successes. I am learning, slowly but surely, that my priority should be on God, no matter my circumstances, because He is the one who is in control of it all.
But this time in my life has taught me other things as well. I pretty quickly realized that change causes me so much anxiety and depression because I put myself so strongly into the things that I am a part of, and that I often think that any changes in these mean a change in my identity. This may sound extreme, but it just means to me that when major parts of my life change, I see those in a redefining way. To some extent, this is not a bad thing, but I often tend to take it to a self-doubt perspective. Here has been my main struggle. I am by nature a high achiever, which can be a great motivator, but also means that I take failures too seriously, and also that I often like to take credit for my successes. All the change in my life, both negative and positive, has caused me to wonder who I am at times and to question many things. I remember talking in school one day about developing our "OT Identity" and wondering what mine would be or how I would figure that out, and thinking the same thing about my identity in general. However, at this same worship night, I heard words that completely changed my perspective on this. Though my circumstances have recently changed more than I could ever imagine, God has never changed and neither has who I am in Him. The song "Good, Good Father" says this more eloquently than I ever could. It says "You're a good good father/ It's who you are/ And I'm loved by you/ It's who I am." I see now that no matter what changes I go through in life, I am always loved by Him and that is my true identity. This impacts not only who I am, but how I relate to others, including my clients. His love is what helps me through life, and I hope that I am able to share that with other people every day as an occupational therapist. Another line that struck me was, "Love so undeniable/ I can hardly speak/ Peace so unexplainable/ I can hardly think." I realize daily how grateful I am for God's love in my life, especially in the most difficult of times. It is His love, along with that of my family, friends, and classmates that have helped me realize that my identity is in Him, and not in my relationship status, grades, health, or even my role as an OT student. Who I am comes from the fact that I am loved by the King, and through that I am able to serve others as an occupational therapy student, while also realizing that I can move through the uncertainties I face in life knowing that He has a plan for me. As I face the end of this semester, an upcoming surgery, and much more uncertainty, I am thankful that I can rest in His goodness and love, and know that no matter the circumstances, who I am in Him will never change.
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
There are many reasons why this verse has been applicable to my first few months of OT school. First of all, I learned very quickly that "adaptability" is one of the token words that occupational therapists use. Not only will I be required to adapt my practices as new research comes along, but my goal as an OT will also be to help my clients adapt to whatever situation they may face. This came as a bit of a surprise to me, because I had not thought about what a challenge being adaptable would be to me, someone who does not like when changes happen in the first place. This is when the Lord really began to work in my life. He has been changing not only how I view change in my life, but also how I view Him through those circumstances. Over the past few months in my life, the most consistent thing has been change. I have seen some amazing things happen, some really awful things, and many that challenged me to my core. I have dealt with moving away from friends, relationships changing or ending, having to move back home and adjust to a new normal, and I have faced illness constantly for several months. But despite these things, I have also seen that the Lord's plan for me is shaping up in ways that I could not have imagined. There have been many ups and downs and it is hard to explain when people ask how I am. In truth, it all depends on the day. While school is wonderful and one of the happiest times I have had in a long time, there are other stressers in life that often weigh on me more than I would like. However, I was recently at a night of worship, and I heard a song, not for the first time, but in a new light. This song, called "Hills and Valleys" really put into perspective the way I have been feeling, and made sense of why there has been such a conflict in my life. This song says, "When I'm standing on the mountain I didn't get there on my own/ When I'm walking through the valley I know I am not alone." My focus has so much been on how I need to react toward my situation, whether good or bad, that I lost sight of the One who put me in every situation I have been in. Truth is, He knows that I struggle with change, but He is also the one who will carry me through and who is behind all my successes. I am learning, slowly but surely, that my priority should be on God, no matter my circumstances, because He is the one who is in control of it all.
But this time in my life has taught me other things as well. I pretty quickly realized that change causes me so much anxiety and depression because I put myself so strongly into the things that I am a part of, and that I often think that any changes in these mean a change in my identity. This may sound extreme, but it just means to me that when major parts of my life change, I see those in a redefining way. To some extent, this is not a bad thing, but I often tend to take it to a self-doubt perspective. Here has been my main struggle. I am by nature a high achiever, which can be a great motivator, but also means that I take failures too seriously, and also that I often like to take credit for my successes. All the change in my life, both negative and positive, has caused me to wonder who I am at times and to question many things. I remember talking in school one day about developing our "OT Identity" and wondering what mine would be or how I would figure that out, and thinking the same thing about my identity in general. However, at this same worship night, I heard words that completely changed my perspective on this. Though my circumstances have recently changed more than I could ever imagine, God has never changed and neither has who I am in Him. The song "Good, Good Father" says this more eloquently than I ever could. It says "You're a good good father/ It's who you are/ And I'm loved by you/ It's who I am." I see now that no matter what changes I go through in life, I am always loved by Him and that is my true identity. This impacts not only who I am, but how I relate to others, including my clients. His love is what helps me through life, and I hope that I am able to share that with other people every day as an occupational therapist. Another line that struck me was, "Love so undeniable/ I can hardly speak/ Peace so unexplainable/ I can hardly think." I realize daily how grateful I am for God's love in my life, especially in the most difficult of times. It is His love, along with that of my family, friends, and classmates that have helped me realize that my identity is in Him, and not in my relationship status, grades, health, or even my role as an OT student. Who I am comes from the fact that I am loved by the King, and through that I am able to serve others as an occupational therapy student, while also realizing that I can move through the uncertainties I face in life knowing that He has a plan for me. As I face the end of this semester, an upcoming surgery, and much more uncertainty, I am thankful that I can rest in His goodness and love, and know that no matter the circumstances, who I am in Him will never change.
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
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